My Life

miércoles, febrero 19, 2003

Just when I thought my life was looking up, down again it goes. I thought I'd met someone who was worth my time, and with whom I could let my guard down. I should've known better. All I wanted was someone to spend some time with, do stuff with. I don't really have time for a serious boyfriend... but I don't want a FTF. I wanted more than that. He said he felt the same. I guess I wanted too much for him. All I really asked for was respect, and time. I could understand he didn't have much time, but I don't feel he had much respect for me. I don't think that not making promises, because you're almost sure you're going to break them is a good reason to not make promises. I don't think that postponing every single night is nice. I also don't think it's cool to assume that I'm just going to be available whenever, even though I usually am. I don't play hard to get. I don't believe in games. If I want to see someone, why should I pretend otherwise? I was really disappointed about tonight because I'd actually gone and done something for him. Wasted efforts. He didn't seem to think tonight was that important... but for me it was. Which is why I was so insistent...
Oh well... What can I do now. The way I react to things is really over the top, I know. He says it's a turn off. Well, I think it's a turn off to demand something, and not even say why, or be willing to offer it back. I wasn't really expecting much, except, like I mentioned before, respect and some time. Not a lot of time, but some. Or at least the illusion that he was trying. He said he was. I know he did. I could tell he was. But the non-chalant way he acted about everything that had to do with me was a turn off too. I don't know what's going to happen now. My brain says to let it go. But I still want to see him. He probably never wants to talk to me again. I guess the weekend is out? *sigh*. I was really looking forward to it. I'm not sure I blame him; I want to be able to say how I feel, though. At first, when we first started talking, it seemed that I could. I liked I didn't have to hide my feelings with him. Now, I'm not so sure. Yes, I'm over-dramatic. That's only cuz I thought this time I could care about someone, and even if it wasn't going to be serious, I could let my guard down. I'm SO picky, and I thought he was different. Oh well... I guess I'll just wait and see what happens. I just hope he can see that beneath it all, I'm worth all this, and if he doesn't see it then it's really his loss. Cuz I AM WORTH IT!


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