My Life

jueves, abril 10, 2003

With all that's happened lately, I totally forgot about rowing class. My doctor told me yesterday that I shouldn't work out for a month, at least not hard work outs. Rowing isn't hard, but it does take a lot of energy and strength. I'm not sure what to do. I can't really drop it; it's too late in the semester. Maybe I can get either an incomplete, or half-attendance points for just showing up and riding with the teacher on the speed boat, which will probably give me a B. I will feel really dumb to get a B in a PE course.

The year started more or less good. Even though I had to work New Year's Eve and day, I won a $100 gift certificate raffle and it wasn't a bad night. School started OK, and now I'm at risk of losing the whole semester, because I've been sick. I think things really started going down when I lost my job. I don't think it has anything to do with that, but around that time is when I noticed that stuff wasn't the same. I hated the job, and I hated working, but for some reason I wish I had a job. A cool job. Not like the one I had, or have had. I've hated every job I've had... My first job I hated it all. My 2nd job I hated the job but liked the people. My 3rd & last job, I hated some of the people, and part of the job, but loved KPBS. I wanted to transfer to that department, and then I get laid off. The company just declared bankruptcy... not KPBS, but the call center that took their calls. People who work at KPBS taking calls like I did, don't get paid. They're volunteers... My company paid us... *sigh*

I've been feeling really low lately, and I'm not sure why. Being sick, alone and stuck at home isn't helping at all, that's for sure. It would be a lot easier if I had people to hang out with. People tell me that this is when you find out who your real friends are, but I think that's hard to gauge when you don't really have friends to begin with. Like I mentioned before, my only friends are A, a girl I've been friends with for over 12 yrs; and S, my roomate, but she's almost never home, and when she is, she's sleeping because she works nights. And P, well, I just met him. I can't expect him to be here all the time, or to be my only source of companionship. I feel like I'm going crazy... I'm just so unsure of what to do. It's never been easy for me to meet people, because I'm extremely shy. And now, being stuck at home, it's even more impossible. Ugh, I hate feeling sorry for myself. Not really having friends means that I don't really have many options in venting... pretty much myself and my blog... Lucky you huh? =p


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