HOT or NOT

My Life

lunes, noviembre 11, 2002

Things haven't really improved much. I am beyond depressed. I just don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about it, and it just hurts. We talked yesterday, and all I was trying to say was that I would like to be friends at least, and all we did was argue and fight. I mean seriously, it reminded me about why we broke up, but it made me angry because I know he's only like that to me. He's nice to her... He keeps saying that she deserves all his loyalty and trust, because she hasn't cheated on him. I'm like, so that's your requirement? People don't have to work for your trust? Knowing me for 3 yrs means nothing? This person that you've known for a month has higher priority? I'm still trying to understand how she ended up with him. I mean she and I talked about my relationship with him, and she told me he was being abusive and why did I put up with it? He said that she was really not talking to him, that he had to convince her. EXCUSE ME? He never ONCE tried to convince me of anything. He took it for granted for 3 yrs that I would take his crap. I guess I took it for granted that he would take mine too. Honestly, I don't even know why I can't just let it go. I keep remembering all the nice things about him, and that's what makes me miss him, and that's why I want him in my life still, even as just a friend. But then there's conversations like yesterday's, where he doesn't let me talk, and all I do is cry out of frustration. I just don't know what I'm going to do without him. Not as my boyfriend, but completely. I mean, we clash. I know we're not good for each other... But why is he now happy with someone else, while I'm just all alone? It's not fair!! I am very bitter about it. And I'm really mad at her. I feel like a fool for talking to her, and believing what she told me. I'm mostly mad at myself, for putting myself there. And for not being able to just let it go. I know I'm just making it worse by being bitter about it. Just thinking that he LOVES someone else, and that he's happy with her, makes the fact that I'm alone all the more painful. I'm bitter bitter bitter. =*(

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