My Life

sábado, marzo 25, 2006


You know that saying: be careful what you wish for, you might just get it?

Yep. Things with Justin are cool, but... yes, "but". On the 3rd or 4th time that we hung out, I started having some doubts about him. Yes, he is cute. Yes, he is funny. Etc. But something is missing. I didn't have that *swoon* feeling like I've had with other guys I've liked. I thought, maybe I'm just being all picky again. I mean, when I saw him at the party, I almost immediately thought he was cute. And I was so excited that he called me and we went out. But something was missing. I don't think I want this guy as my boyfriend. He's nice, we have fun, but I'm already seeing things that annoy me a bit. Nah, I'm being too picky...

No, I'm not being too picky. I guess we can sense things, call it female intuition or just a general 6th sense. Maybe he sensed my doubts too. Either way, at the end of said 3rd or 4th date, he gave me a whole speech that I've heard OH TOO OFTEN before. Four times in the last year, including him.

"I just got out of a (insert length of time) relationship. I'm pretty messed up. I'm just not in the frame of mind to invest emotionally in a relationship right now. I like you, you are great. It's (oh no you didn't!!) not you, it's me. I just want to have fun right now, casual, etc"

And it goes on, but that's the gist of it. I thought, maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy? But I wasn't expecting this to happen. It didn't cross my mind. I just began having 2nd thoughts about actually wanting to date this person. And as soon as I had them, they materialized. I didn't have to go through the pain and trouble of having to find a way to tell this guy, I think I'd rather just be friends.

My response to his speech, which was a brand-new way of me approaching that situation: "I understand, but I'm not looking for a purely physical relationship. If that's what you want/need right now, I'm not the person for you". Before, I would just say "Oh, ok. Well let's hang out and see what happens." I guess maybe I was hoping he'd change his mind, see that I'm so awesome, I'm different... But this time, either because I learned my lesson, or because I already had doubts about him, I said, you ain't gettin' none, son!!

And he still called. And wanted to hang out. Maybe he has a glimmer of hope that I will change my mind, but I won't. And I don't hope he'll change his. Have I.... GROWN? I actually learned something?? Revelation! It's quite the feeling, I'll tell you. Of course it helps that, like Ady says, I like everyone. Haha. Oh yes, do not worry about me... I have a list. Cross off Justin, and... NEXT! =)


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